MESA, AZ — Travis Holmquist, 34, a three-week white belt at Sonoran Submission Arts, confirmed Monday that he has "no regrets" about his longstanding personal policy of never tapping, adding that the policy remains in effect and that he will "probably be back on the mat by summer." Holmquist, who watched approximately forty hours of YouTube instructional content before his first class, had communicated his stance clearly to training partners at signup. "I told them I'm here to test myself," he said from what sources describe as "a recliner, in a specific position." "You don't find your limits by quitting." His limits, it turned out, were findable by an intermediate blue belt named Derek who was "just trying to have a chill Thursday." Derek, who applied what he describes as a "pretty slow armbar," stated that he felt resistance, heard something, and immediately let go. "I gave him like three full seconds," Derek said. "I looked him in the eye. He shook his head no." Derek has reportedly been in contact with a sports therapist about what he is calling his own "emotional injury." "I keep hearing the sound," Derek told a training partner the following Tuesday. "It was like a walnut. In a towel. Being stepped on by someone who didn't know there was a walnut there." He has not attempted an armbar since the incident and has been exclusively working butterfly guard, which he describes as "less legally complicated." The incident has been partially reconstructed via gym security footage, which head instructor Marco Reyes reviewed but declined to release publicly. Sources who viewed the footage describe a sequence in which Holmquist, from bottom mount, makes no effort to escape, turns his head away from Derek, and mouths what appears to be either "never" or "nah." Derek pauses. Holmquist does not move. Derek extends the arm at what sports medicine professionals would later describe as "nowhere near full extension." Something happens. Derek releases immediately and puts both hands on his own head. Holmquist, for his part, reportedly stood up, said "good roll," and walked to the water fountain before anyone in the room — including Holmquist — fully processed what had occurred. He drove himself home. He made dinner. It was not until approximately two hours later, while reaching for a cabinet above his stove, that what emergency room physician Dr. Cynthia Molina would later describe as "a significant mechanical event" took place in his elbow for the second time that evening. "He came in very calm," Dr. Molina said. "He told me he'd been doing jiu-jitsu and that his elbow was 'a little tweaked.' The X-ray told a different story. Several different stories, actually." Holmquist received a sling, a referral to an orthopedic surgeon, and what Dr. Molina characterized as "a very direct conversation about the biomechanical purpose of pain." Holmquist listened politely and then asked if he could still do no-gi while the arm healed. Head instructor Marco Reyes issued a brief statement noting that the gym's waiver "covers this" and that the gym "strongly encourages all students to tap early and tap often." He declined to confirm whether the waiver includes a specific section on philosophical objections to submission acknowledgment, but sources say it does now. The new section, reportedly added the morning after the incident, is titled "Appendix C: Ideological Exemptions (None Recognized)" and runs two pages. Reyes also confirmed that the gym has implemented a new intake procedure. "We now ask new students directly: 'Do you plan to tap when caught in a submission?'" Reyes said. "If the answer is anything other than 'yes,' we have a conversation. If the answer involves the words 'mindset,' 'warrior,' or 'David Goggins,' we have a longer conversation." Holmquist's wife, Andrea Holmquist, 32, provided additional context. "He does this," she said. "He did CrossFit for three months and refused to drop the barbell during a clean and jerk because he said dropping it was 'admitting defeat.' He tore something in his shoulder. Before that, he ran a half marathon with no training because someone at work said he couldn't. He could not. He finished, but not in a way that was good for anyone." She added: "He's already watching videos on how to fight with one arm. I think it's called, like, z-guard? He keeps showing me things on his phone." Holmquist remains firm. He is currently researching single-arm guard retention systems and has begun asking training partners if they "do anything from the bottom that doesn't use both arms." He has also ordered a custom rash guard from an online print shop. Sources confirm the rash guard reads "TAP IS A FOUR-LETTER WORD" on the front and "HOLMQUIST — NO QUIT" on the back. It is expected to arrive before his arm is expected to function. At press time, Derek was seen in the gym parking lot, sitting in his car for fifteen minutes after class, staring at his hands. --- *This article is satire. The Porra is a publication. Any resemblance to your actual training partner is purely because there is always one.*